Uncle Carson’s Black Eyes – Story of the day

Uncle Carson lost his old Buckeye whittlin’ knife last week and stopped by Uncle Jerome’s General Store to pick up another’n. While he was looking over the selection, Uncle Jerome noticed Carson was sporting a black eye. In fact, two of ‘em. Gorgeous, black shiners big enough to make a vain racoon envious.

“Been peekin’ through keyholes again?” Uncle Jerome asked with a sly grin. “The missus and you have a disagreement?”

Uncle Carson looked up from the knife he was testing on the edge of the wooden counter and replied sourly, “I got it in church.”

“In church?” Uncle Jerome yelped incredulously, disbelievement in his merry eyes. “Tried to stiff the collection plate again, did you?”

“No,” Uncle Carson retorted testily, “Rev. Mercer had just given a pretty good sermon, as his sermons go, it was short, about helpin’ other folks out and when we stood up to sing the closing hymn I noticed the Widow Jones right there in front of me had a “wedgie”. A right sizable “wedgie”.

“So, I did my christian duty and reached over and tugged it out. I guess she didn’t appreciate it because she turned around and popped me right in the eye.”

When Uncle Jerome had stopped giggling enough to talk he said, “Well, I see that explains a black eye, but how did you get the other one?”

“Well”, Uncle Carson continued, “When I saw how upset she was about having that “wedgie” pulled out, I naturally reached over and put it back!”

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